Author Topic: For the readers out there  (Read 1008 times)

Offline tonypep

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For the readers out there
« on: April 23, 2019, 06:31:37 PM »
Shout at me if you are interested. The novel is mostly finished. Need to fill in some gaps. Looking for critics.
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Offline Dottonedan

Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2019, 07:41:28 PM »
Shoot it to me. I'll take a gander.  This isn't about your past life as a gigolo is it?
Artist & Sim Process separator, Co owner of The Shirt Board, Past M&R Digital tech installer for I-Image machines. Over 28 yrs in the apparel industry. Apparel sales, http://www.designsbydottone.com  e-mail [email protected] 615-821-7850

Online Atownsend

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2019, 07:44:25 PM »
Are we talking fiction or non fiction here? While a Bukowski style gigalo book would be fascinating, the nerd in me hopes it would be screen related

« Last Edit: April 23, 2019, 08:23:37 PM by Atownsend »

Offline numbercruncher

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2019, 11:44:50 AM »
You may well know - There are writer's groups(and smaller publishers) out there that will comment on your efforts at no charge. The writer's groups usually are more immediate and request that you return the favor. While some publishers are more immediate than others in their comments - I've enclosed a sample that my son received on one of his efforts, he always thinks it's better to get input from people who don't know you.   Hope this helps - wish you good luck. Below is some of the input....
 "We have decided not to include this piece in an upcoming volume .... since multiple readers review each submission, you may find the following excerpts from their notes useful ... Please keep in mind that the intent is .... to provide you with insight into how this piece affected a specific group of readers.

"This is a lovely story. Good plot arc, and many interesting characters. The moment when Jada gets her soul back made me grin. I like the symbolism of the last line being "Jada took a deep breath and told the truth"—it was a nice oblique reference to her triumph over a being traditionally known as the Father of Lies."

"This could use some further editing. There are a few grammar errors throughout. There is also some awkwardness to phrasing which, if corrected, might reduce the word count. An example of an overly wordy phrase is in the first paragraph—“...the words written on it hardly alleviated the tension that their presence incited in her.” Overall, I think it needs more polishing."

"This needs some minor editing, but beyond that, I found it enjoyable. The characters are interesting, the pacing is nice, and the opening left me wanting to read more."

Thanks again for giving us the opportunity to read your writing. Best of luck with this piece.
Simran Chandra
Writer Liaison
Spark: A Creative Anthology
[email protected]"

To our success-
Michael Jirasek
Anatol Equipment
708-227-5084
[email protected]

Offline tonypep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2019, 07:20:15 PM »
The story of Savannah and Demetrious continues to unfold. They are a curious couple.

Offline numbercruncher

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2019, 09:32:03 AM »
Always heard that a good tease is a great start -
Michael Jirasek
Anatol Equipment
708-227-5084
[email protected]

Offline tonypep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2019, 12:09:31 PM »
Indeed. Cannot attach file but here is a snippet:
I received a note from Savannah
Dearest Antoine, you may not know nor appreciate that upon completing your task, you have brought Demi and I back to earth and together again. I will be forever grateful. Although cats may have nine lives, us lucky humans appear to only have two. Sadly, Demi passed for the last time. My heart is heavy. That said, I am coming for you and will sing you that song that you can never recall. And yes, I do have red hair and green eyes as you have imagined.
Yours Truly SV
I look forward to see her in the flesh but it is not without trepidation. In her other world existence, she acquired the ability to see my writing and read my thoughts. She knows too much.

Offline numbercruncher

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2019, 05:02:15 PM »
Nice snippet - trust all goes well for you. (always appreciate your screen printing commentary) -
Michael Jirasek
Anatol Equipment
708-227-5084
[email protected]

Offline tonypep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2019, 12:09:50 PM »
Thank You Michael. Update.... Savannah has showed up naked as promised and sings that song. And the story continues. Rough draft is available.
Meanwhile doing a little printing as well.

Offline tonypep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2019, 03:19:03 PM »
Her name has changed as she goes back and forth to the present and afterlife. She asked me to find her secret name. "It is not hard to find if you
look closely". Sure enough, a few days later, as I was taking the morning walk with camera in tow. I as was looking down looking for texture patterns, I saw something. And there it was, gently carved into the sidewalk. MY NAME IS MOODLE.
She replied "I am glad you found that. I Knew that you would. I love your pineapples."

Offline 3Deep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2019, 04:00:24 PM »
Nice to be able to put thoughts to paper...
Life is like Kool-Aid, gotta add sugar/hardwork to make it sweet!!

Offline tonypep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2019, 04:27:29 PM »
Thank You! Its what you do when you don't have a real job. It is part fiction, but much it based on real life.

Offline 3Deep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #12 on: May 31, 2019, 05:10:46 PM »
Best books/reads are base on some truth in there
Life is like Kool-Aid, gotta add sugar/hardwork to make it sweet!!

Offline tonypep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #13 on: May 31, 2019, 05:37:17 PM »
Moodle is actually a real name. It can be found on the sidewalk. I am doing the research. The Pineapples are mostly magnesium and they will last for a very long time. The tunnel still exists and after a time, I was gained access. The story is not over.

Offline tonypep

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Re: For the readers out there
« Reply #14 on: June 03, 2019, 01:14:02 AM »
Best books/reads are base on some truth in there

Truth can hurt at times. I cannot say that I have had some awesome girlfriends. Most of us have had all of that. Now, it turns out I have become a romantic. Moodle and Patsy will always be with me. Moodle is not a pet. She will sing when she wants to. Then she goes to her room and we do not hear her until it is ready for breakfast. We love her. That